Just got the following call,
"Professor Lingerfelt this is Max with Wiley education solutions. I'm just taking some time to reach out to some of our preferred professors and see what we can do to help get your semester off to a great start."
I insert a long awkward silence....and respond with, "Umm yeah, can you repeat that? I wasn't really listening."
So I get the same line again, with a bit less enthusiasm. I respond again, "Yeah...so you broke up. Who did you say this was?"
"Oh I'm sorry professor, this is Max with Wiley education solutions."
I ask, "Max, do I owe you money?"
He says, "Oh no professor, not at all. I was just calling to see how I might help your semester get off to a good start?"
I said, "Well in that case Max I am thrilled that you called."
Now his enthusiasm has quickly returned and he responds with, "That's great sir...I'm here to help make your life easier."
I say, "I am just thrilled to hear that Max, now listen closely, here is what I need you to do. First go-online and get the list of school supplies my daughter needs to start school and get yourself to the nearest Target or Wal-mart and fulfill that list for me. Then once you've done that go ahead and drop them by the grade school. Also Max...and this one would be a HUGE help, you see I'm ass deep in work here trying to get the term started. Would you mind running by Capital Grill and picking me up some lunch. I'm thinking a nice steak salad would just hit the spot...."
By now it got the best of Max and he simply had to interject, "Professor I do believe there has been a misunderstanding. That is not exactly what we do here at Wiley Education Solutions."
I said, "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you said you were here to help?"
"Well, yes sir we are, but we don't do things like that!"
I decided to insert a little humor from office space and hit him with, "Well, Max....what would ya say you DO here?"
He tells me, "Sir we offer comprehensive educational solutions to help educators like yourself."
I said, "Oh.....so you're a text book publisher huh Max?"
He tells me, "Well, that's just one thing we do sir, we do so much more!"
I tell him, "Boy you sure do. It must be tough work coming out with new editions of textbooks every 9 months forcing students to always buy the newest book while making your people richer. "
He says, "Well professor rest assured we publish new editions only when necessary to help ensure professors such as yourself always have the most up-to-date info on the subject. It would be a disservice to students to teach them old content wouldn't you agree?"
Oh boy...he just played right into my trap. "I'm glad you mentioned that Max. You do realize we haven't experienced a major mathematical break through in my lifetime? Yet the calculus book I used in college is as much in demand right now as an outhouse. And how about those history books, did your people just leave out key elements of WWII and decided to pick them up on the next edition? And all of this in the name of screwing the student? So tell me Max, who's getting rich here? I've had colleagues write textbooks, they don't make much. Do you make a lot of money? Please tell me you have a nice yacht?"
A long silence ensues.
"Professor, I don't really think all of this is relevant. I just wanted to discuss your needs...."
I tell him, " I believe I very clearly articulated my current needs, so if you're not already on the way to Target, I'm guessing I'll also need to find my own lunch too huh?"
He hung up on me....
