Cooking with Rhonda

Cooking with Rhonda

Well, it had been a while. Rolling down the highway this morning and a blue Honda Civic goes past me with a huge window sticker that says, “Ask Me How A Pampered Chef Party Can Earn you $$$- Call Rhonda @ (913)-###-####”

Ok Rhonda, I’ll do just that. As I dial the phone I speed up a little to get right behind Rhonda. The phone rings and I hear, “Hi, this is Rhonda with Pampered Chef!”

Me: “Hi there Rhonda, first off I just have to say I love that song the Beach Boys wrote about you…a classic.”

[Awkward pause]

Rhonda: Hello, how can I help you?

Me: Rhonda, I’m sure you can. How the heck are you on this fine Monday morning?

Rhonda: I’m good, how are you?
Me: Ya know, I’m gonna be ok. A bit down about a less than stellar love making session last night, but ya know what Rhonda they can’t all be winners now can they?

Rhonda: Ummm….I guess not. Sir? Is there something I can help you with?

Me: Oh yes Rhonda, I do apologize. You really didn’t call for me to talk about my substandard sex life now did you?

Rhonda: Ummm…you called me!

Me: Well, I be damned Rhonda I sure did!

Rhonda: I’m sorry, I’m still not sure how I can help you?

Me: Sorry Rhonda, bad habit of mine, I wander off topic all the time. So, you’re the Pampered Chef lady huh?

Rhonda: Yes, I am. Are you interested in Pampered Chef?

Me: I sure am, ya know every other person I’ve tried simply refuses to book a party for me.

Rhonda: I am sorry to hear that sir…I apologize I never got your name?

Me: Oh, silly me. I’m Rich…for short, Riche for medium and Richard for long. But whatever you do please don’t shorten it Dick…I hate that. Who wants to be called Dick for short??

Rhonda: I’ll call you whatever you prefer sir, so is Rich ok?

Me: Sure…that’ll do nicely.

Rhonda: So you said you were interested in having a party?

Me: I sure am, I’ve called 4 other reps and they won’t do a party for me.

Rhonda: Well, I’d be happy to get one set up. When were you thinking you’d like to do one?

Me: As soon as possible, do you have any openings next week? In the evening?

Rhonda: Yes, I could do next Wednesday, what time works for you Rich?

Me: How about 7pm, how long do these things usually last?

Rhonda: It really depends on how many kitchen items you want to see, and how many questions your group has. How many are you expecting?

Me: I’d say 10-15 people for the first one.

Rhonda: The first one? Are you interested in hosting more than one party?

Me: Well our group meets monthly and I can see wanting to do this at least 4-5 times.

Rhonda: Oh wow…sure, we can certainly do that.

[By now I’ve pulled up beside Rhonda on the highway and she is visibly bursting with excitement. I’m sure she can’t wait to go home and tell her husband that her pyramid, sell cooking crap scheme actually could make money so she could justify not having a job.]

Me: Rhonda, I tell ya that is just great news. I’m really looking forward to this. I’m so glad I called you.

Rhonda: I am too! I’m driving right now, but if you can tell me what you’d like to call your party I’ll get it booked and maybe I can call you back in a couple hours and get some of the more specifics. Do you think you’d also have people that would be interested in participating in an online party as well?

Me: Oh I’m sure of it

Rhonda: Ok, great, we’ve got a great press kit we can get you that provides you with templates on how you can push this out via your social channels like Facebook. It includes all sorts of fun games and contests you can play to keep people active.

Me: Rhonda I’m going to stop you right there. I’ll be down right honest with you here, I detest people that use their social channels to exploit a means to sell crap. I’ll let my friends buy online who can’t make the party but we’re not touching my social media.

Rhonda: Ok, that’s not a problem, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to, but parties always do better if you push out info to all of your friends online.

Me: Sorry, that’s a hard no for me. If you keep pushing this I’ll find somebody else.

Rhonda: I’m sorry Rich…I just wanted to be sure you had all of the options. I won’t mention it again.

Me: Thank you. What more do you need from me to get this started Rhonda?

Rhonda: Just tell me the name of your party and I’ll call you later to get the rest of the details.

Me: That sounds excellent, our group is called, “Naked Men Cooking.”

Rhonda: I’m sorry, you might have broken up, did you say Naked Men Cooking?

Me: Yes, that is correct

Rhonda: Ummmm…could you expand a little bit more?

Me: Well Rhonda, you seem like a smart lady here, this is pretty self-explanatory don’t you think?

Rhonda: So you’re telling me this is group of men that cook naked?

[At this point I’ve sped back up and I’m riding next to Rhonda her expression is priceless. I’ve already passed my exit, but I couldn’t miss this.]

Me: Yes, to many it sounds odd, but have you ever tried it?

Rhonda: Ummm, no I’m sorry I can’t say that I ever have.

Me: Well, you are missing it, it’s so liberating. I’d imagine even more so for women, not having to cook in a restrictive bra…

Rhonda: Rich…will all of the men be naked during the party?

Me: Well of course….

Rhonda: I’m sorry I’m just not sure I’m uncomfortable with this..

Me: Rhonda, don’t make this weird, it’s really not. Surely, you’ve seen a naked man before, haven’t you?

Rhonda: I just don’t really think that’s the point. I just don’t think its appropriate for me to be in a room full of naked men!

Me: We are just a bunch of open-minded men who happen to enjoy cooking naked, this isn’t anything freaky like a gang-bang.

[I’m hardly able to keep it together now, her facial expressions are saying it all.]

Rhonda: I….I….just don’t think…

[At this point I can’t hold back my laughs and she heard me laughing.]

Me: Rhonda, please turn and look out the left window of your blue Honda.

I smile and waive…it took her a second to piece it together. She promptly flipped me off and called me an asshole and hung up on me. Well…how rude!