So, a slightly different topic for this time around. If you've ever been on a cruise or plan on going, read on. If not...go back to whatever you were doing.
So, if you've ever been tempted to climb aboard one of the amazing cities at sea it's a great time. You're lured in under the false construct of pre-paid. That is you pay up front for your cruise which typically includes your room, meals, and entertainment. In most cases it pretty much stops right there. Some will toss in soft drinks, but not all. So unless you're content with water, tea or coffee, open your wallet....or follow my plan for drunken cruise line success without requiring a 4th mortgage.
It really is a lovely game they play. Upon boarding: boom your credit card is linked up to your shipboard account. Your cash and plastic are worthless once onboard. So now that the man has effectively separated you from your money, hold onto something here it comes. Prepare yourself for the best bar service of your life. I mean you can't turn around without some dude offering to fetch you a cocktail. And now that you're separated from your money you blindly hand over that shipboard card and the charging free for all begins. Things are going well until you wake up on the last morning of your cruise, suddenly the fun is over and the helpful bar staff is nowhere to be seen and they've been replaced with your bill which is waiting for you. If you listen closely at 7am on the last day you can hear grown men cry. You can also hear wives yelling things like, "HOW MUCH DID YOU DRINK BOB?" Meanwhile many are left pondering where they turn to get a little hair of the dog! Instead you have a sore ass from the bar tab which by the way has already been charged to your credit card. Now you get to schlep you and your family off the ship with every other irritable asshole.
Ok, so how do we ease the pain? Well, the cruise lines have gotten better over the years and will let you bring a little bit of booze on, but 2 bottles of wine will hardly get you though a 7-8 day cruise.
Step 1:
Pick up a couple boxes of wine. Each one of these boxes is 3 liters. PS: If you're too good for boxed wine we can't be friends.
Step 2:
Remove that yummy refreshment from the box. Ok, now it looks a little less obvious, however you still might not get it past the half-wits checking out your luggage.
Step 3:
Wrap the wine so that the dispensing spout is covered and use a food saver to vacuum seal the bag of wine. Next up, use a label maker. Make it look as follows. So, now your forbidden bag of wine looks like an innocent IV bag. Tell me; what cruise line wants to be on the hook for taking your bag of IV fluids? Nope, you're right, they're gonna let that pass right on through. And now...bingo you've got your booze on board!
Happy drinking my friends!
