Pig Sooie??

Several days back a potential student requests a meeting with me to talk about enrolling in my program. All under the premise of he already has a B.S. degree but can’t find work in his field. Upon arrival to my office I ask him to give me his back story, where he earned his bachelors degree, what did he get it in, and where he saw himself ultimately landing. Blah blah blah…

He begins his autobiography telling me he earned his B.S. in Business. I ask him what area he says marketing. He told me he’s interviewed with multiple firms and never gets a call back. Told me he’s been willing to relocate, take a traveling job, and even work on commission yet still no luck. Ok, a little stunned, this one doesn’t add up. The guy is clean cut, well spoken and thus far acted professional. I’ve never been a fan of marketing people but they are a necessary evil and if what he’s saying is true surely this dude would have been sucked up into some type of commission high travel job by now. Better dig deeper, need more answers here.

Next, I ask him where he earned his degree from. The question had no more left my mouth and his volume escalates about 5 notches as he blurts out, “UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS—GO HOGS PIG SOOIE!!!”

Oh what fresh hell was that??? 

At this point I have no words and just stare at him for what seemed like forever, I’m also pretty sure I have just uncovered why this dude is jobless. The silence reaches awkward level and he finally leans back in the chair and takes a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry, I’m a huge fan…I still travel down for games and have not missed one since I graduated.” More awkward silence. I finally said, “So…tell me do you do that every time somebody asks where you went to college?” His response, “Well, yay….the hogs are great!” Still not sure how to handle this one, which is a rare thing for me. 

The best response I can come up with is, “Yes, I like bacon just as much as any guy…but blurting out ‘Go Hogs’ just might be hampering your job interview efforts. “ Now he’s staring at me like he’s just seen a unicorn and finally replies with, “Yeah, but it’s our thing!” Oh boy…this dude really drank down some serious Kool-aid. I tell him, “Yes, and the Florida Gators do that stupid chomp crap with their arms and make themselves look like a bunch of paraplegics who suddenly regained use of their arms for the first time. Adding to the list I have no idea what the hell ‘Roll Tide’ means or ‘Rock Chalk’ for that matter, but I suspect none of them go into job interviews chanting that crap.” He’s still very confused, but I manage to divert the conversation away from Pig Sooie and begin to discuss his academic options.

Long term I hope he does enroll. I’ll have to be sure I teach his first class that way I can film the classes reaction when we do introductions on the first night and everybody gets to see this dude nearly have an aneurism talking about his college.

A little fun at Toyota

Fun with Toyota

So here I sit in the lounge at Toyota waiting for my multi-point inspection and oil change, which based on how long I’ve been waiting seems more like a team of highly under-educated half-wits are in the back attempting to rebuild the engine with butter knives and dental floss.

As I sit awaiting to get the news that my ride is ready to roll you can’t help but over-hear the conversations. Thus far the most exciting has been the lady in the corner who appears to be on the phone with her BFF; the topic of the conversation is bitching about her husband, always a riveting topic. He doesn’t help out around the house, doesn’t tell her he loves her and by the way according to her, “has become a sloppy pig.” Well shit, cut your losses now lady, kick him out now while you can still do better. Better plan, turn to women, that’ll really kick him where it hurts.

Other side of the room we have the business looking dude. He is so very important. How could his world slow down enough for him to take time out for an oil change. Shouldn’t he have people for this? For a person of this importance I’d suspect the following; 1. He doesn’t drive a Toyota…how ordinary. 2. When his pimp ride does need an oil change I’d expect a midget with a wrench and a shop towel to appear out of nowhere and just handle it.

Now my very favorite the soccer mom. I’m sure her minivan is overdue for service. She’s on the phone as well (most likely with a fellow soccer mom) talking about how busy her day is going to be. She’s decked out in everything from the Under Armor catalog. After all, one must portray the image that once done at the market they are off to the gym! She continues to carry on over the phone about how stressed out she is.

As I sit there alone working a lady adorned with fancy make-up and a Toyota name tag approaches me. She introduces herself as Jan and asks if we can discuss “trading up for a newer model.” No shit? I had no idea they did this sort of thing at the car dealership. I was stunned. I said, “Well, Jan this is quite the offer. But I’m just not ready for that. After all she still does pretty well. Still in pretty decent shape, has just enough pep to her and I feel like she knows me.” She’s still clueless that we’re talking about two different things. So she replies with, “well why deal with something that doesn’t meet your needs?” I come back with, “Jan she ain’t perfect, but I’m not one to just kick the old girl to the curb.” Jan was prepared for this argument…”Oh sir, don’t worry about that. The older, used models are in very high demand right now, it won’t be an issue finding her a home.” At this point I can barely keep my shit together. “Interesting proposition Jan, do you fix her up any or just send her right out to the next suitor?” Jan still doesn’t get it. “Well sir, it all depends how hard you’ve been on her.” At this point I can’t take it anymore, people are starting to stare and have put it together that I’m royally screwing with Jan. Time to pull the plug on this one. “Jan, she’s been well taken care of but who am I to say what another dude might want. You know we all have different preference on hair color, boob size, etc. I’ll just leave that up to you guys. Where do I go to pick out my newer model wife? I’ve always been with older women, but hey maybe those younger newer chicks have something I don’t know about.”

Jan was speechless for a very long time. Under Armor- Soccer Mom has now ended her call and heard much of the exchange and is giving me a quality ‘eat shit and die’ look. Finally Jan says, “Sir…I’m afraid we’re talking about two very different things!!” I tell her, “Well, I was talking about trading my wife in, what path were you headed down here?” Ok, now Jan is PISSED! She says, “I was talking about trading in your vehicle!” I tell Jan, “Perhaps next time you lead with that part, don’t you think that was a critical detail there Jan?” Now, she’s about to blow a gasket and tells me, “Sir! Why would you come to a dealership to trade your wife in?” I should add at this point Under Armor-Soccer mom has totally got that ‘how dare you!’ and ‘go girl power’ look on her face as Jan lets me have it. I respond to Jan with, “Well, why does Cracker Barrel sell clothes and cookie jars when I go there to eat? It’s diversifying your assets. I merely assumed this was new business line for Toyota.” I’m quite certain at this point I’m the reason Jan will be drinking tonight. She quietly turns to walk away. As she’s leaving I yell out, “Ok Jan, come back now that I know what you’re talking about this might be easier.” Jan just kept walking. Well, guess this means I’ll be keeping the truck.